Well I have been in the gorgeous Cape Town for a few weeks now, and I have to say that I feel a bout of boasting about South Africa coming on. Cape Town is magnificent. You have everything, the wine lands, the beautiful beaches, the mountains, a great night life (when you find it!) and even though the people can be asses, if you find the right place to go, your sorted!  Why the overly patriotic boast about the country you ask?

Well that’s cos my folks and a few of their friends came down to CT recently, the biggest reason was for my mom and her friend Rachael to run the two oceans race. Mom did the half marathon (21km) and Rachael did the Ultra marathon (56km… yes I know... madness!) very proud were we! After that, it was time to get touristy over the long Easter weekend.

We went to boulders beach to see the African Penguins, went to Simons town and took a harbor cruise, did the Chapman’s peak drive which is too magnificent for words, went to La Med to have cocktails at sunset, did the walk from Sea Point to Camps Bay which is mind blowing both in the view and in the houses that sit up the mountain, had lunch at the Buitenverwagting wine estate (the food was so glorious I asked the chef to marry me on the comment card, the view from the restaurant is as amazing as the food) Neethlinghoff Wine estate, braai’s with family friends, and so it went on, it was a fantastic time with the folks and their friends Carol and Brian (who were very entertaining, to say the least) Rachael unfortunately could not stay as she had to go home and hide Easter eggs for her family! I have pulled pics of the various places from the net for you to check, I would love to have taken tons of pictures, but I left my camera, still without batteries in JHB – and the download cable for my phone is in London… Pity, I took pictures of my three course meal from buitenverwagting with my phone, oh wow – just thinking about it I’m drooling again.

My night life has also improved, thanks to Janine and one or two others, I have fallen in love with a place called A touch of madness (no surprise there huh?) which is this TINY smoky cramped bar, with staff that is outrageously funny, full of shite and constant bad eighties music playing – which we found ourselves singing too at the top of our lungs with a few people we met about 2 min earlier! Needless to say, I think I have found my new local haunt!

I have been out with Shaun, who I have known since the day I was born, and a few of his mates to the armchair theater, to watch some band I have never heard of before, and im so sorry I have forgotten their names… they were awesome, I also managed to beat his friend on the foozeball table a couple of times, which is a shocker as I’m TERRIBLE at that game! There have been dinners and braai’s (bbq’s) nights out at places with the strangest crowds. Needless to say, things are looking up and I am enjoying myself!

Mom and dad left on Sunday to get back to JHB, and things have calmed down again (damn) but plans for the week and weekend have already started up, and I’m hoping that things stay busy, both at work and at night!

Plans to move forward with getting my permit are moving along, and hopefully I will be back in London within the next two months! (In time for London’s biggest water fight ever!! Man that would be such a blast)

Celeb bashing for my good MSN friends! (so so so envious you are heading to Vegas!)

I see the celebs are up to their normal shite, good ol’ Eva from desperate housewives getting the boys into a tizz with her announcement that she likes to be tied up during sex… come on woman – your hot enough as it is, you don’t need the excess attention, so shhh, and let us try get the male populations attention on occasion as well… kay??

Richard Gere has decided to spark some controversy in India by repeatedly kissing Bollywood star Shilpa Shetty on the cheeks. Unless its her ass cheeks, I can’t see how that would be considered offensive – and as much as I dislike Richard Gere (I don’t know why, he just comes across as slimey to me) I can’t see him getting down on his knees in public and kissing the bollywood actresses bottom. To a degree I wish I could picture it, it could be somewhat amusing!

I’m pretty impressed in that the slapper Britney has not been in the headlines to the best of my knowledge… I’m guessing that her mother has thrown her onto some skinhead rehab facility for the imbalanced. Can’t you picture her, fag in one hand, black coffee in the other, in a white dressing gown, crumpled face, talking to some other skinhead punk (this one should be emaciated, just for the contrast) about how fragile life is… and trying to be deep… considering she has had all her songs written for her since day one, we need to wonder if she can be deep without someone else putting the words in her mouth. (I’m sorry… was that nasty?)

Prince William decided to prove just how manly he is by dumping his long term girlfriend… over the phone. I hate that. I mean sure, if it is a 2 week thing, then phone, sms that’s fine… 4 YEARS THOUGH?? Sheesh, well at least it is safe to say that William will ever have any children, judging by his apparent lack of balls.

Mike Tyson has had a change of careers (ok ok – so its more like this is a once off) and will be dancing in a bollywood movie. I know he wont be dressed with the long skirt, chains and thin chiffon tops, and scarves… but man Im having a field day with this one!! Picture him trying to bite off the other dancers ears, so he can have the limelight... that and shimmying! Heheheeeee aaah what a man!

Well I have to be off, but I hope you are all well

Loves and hugs
Julz

So where did the last entry end… that’s right, I had just landed in Heathrow airport, London after an 11 hour flight from Johannesburg, South Africa. My bags were through first on the roundabout (I love having a tag that says “first class” on my bags even though I fly economy!) and I was ready to head straight to the office, crumpled looking as I was.

I get to passport control, consider pulling down my top a bit in the hope that some cleavage would get me though without 1001 questions and head to the counter. Bright and merry as can be, I look at the immigrations officer and perkily say “good morning!! How are you?” The response was a grunt. Greeeaaaaat.

He opened my passport, looked at me, looked at the picture, looked back at me… back at the picture, to which I responded – I know… have you seen a worse visa picture? *grins like idiot*. another grunt.

Then the questions start.

Where do you live, what is your landlords number, where do you work, what do you do, how long are you here for, do you have a return flight, do you have family in the UK, give me your office contact details. Please take a seat and wait there. Oooookay. (at least he said please)

People always say “tell them you work in a bar and you are here to travel!” Sure, that’s great, let me tell them that!! Then they phone my landlady and ask her what I have on my application with regards to my job, find out I was lying and deport me properly??? I think not! (proper deportation means you may not step foot in the country again)

So, I wait. and wait. and wait.  About AN HOUR later he comes back. Houston… we have a problem. He is waiting on my work contract to be faxed through, from my boss, and on my visa application to be faxed through from the British embassy in Pretoria, SA. Apparently there is a problem. Would I mind waiting some more? What was I gonna do, say yes I mind?? Please, it’s not like I have a choice really is it?

An hour later he comes back again. Now I’m kinda cranky. There is a conflict with the visa that I have. I should not be on a two year working holiday visa. I should be on a work permit. He will see if he can sort something out, but it would make sense for me to go to the detaining area rather than wait where I have been waiting. He calls some short irritating female and asks her to escort me to the area.

This woman really hacked me off!! On the way to the holding area we stop at steel tables and she tells me she needs to search my bags. Now I’m annoyed.  I was not allowed in because of a visa issue, not because I’m anything illegal, and further more, my bag was packed with everything neatly in it’s place! All the laundry was clean, and it was folded so it wouldn’t crease. (yes yes, somewhat anal I know) So, she goes through my handbag, takes away my drivers license, my national insurance card, looks at everything like a child looks into the monkey pen at the zoo for the first time, empties out my bag. Puts everything back, barring the drivers license and the NI card.

Then she started on my bag of clothes.

She took out every item of clothing, shook them out, and threw them in a crumpled heap, on the table, next to my bag. I. Was. Fuming. She then proceeded to try and STUFF it all back into my bag. I looked at her and went “no no no no no no!!! Just what do you think you are doing?  You can bloody wait until I have repacked my bag to my satisfaction damnmt.” Being shorter than me and sensing that I may be prone towards violence she sort of shrunk away and let me repack. I followed her to the holding area.

We walk in and it’s this yellow/grey (mental) institutional looking room. There is the guard area to the left, interview rooms along the wall to the front and in an L-shape corridor, passing the smoking room. She takes me to one of the rooms that has a digital camera to take my mugshot (I didn’t get one of those boards they have in jail…I was quite disappointed!) and fingerprints. This is what killed me… she asked me if I was happy with the picture she took for my mugshot! OMG. She then tried to take my fingers and roll them on the ink and then on the paper for me, because I am obviously far too much of a moron to be able to do that myself. I pretty much looked at her, gave a huge dramatic SIGH snatched my hand away and did them myself after she had done 2 fingers for me. Considering the grief I gave her (and I know she is just doing her job, but still…) I’m surprised she didn’t shout at me. She asked me if my cell phone had a camera on it, to which I replied it did, and she then informed me that I could not take it into the holding area with me. I belive my response was along the lines of “well then, you will have to pry it from my cold dead hand to stop me from taking it in.” I was allowed to take it with me. Once she was done making me feel like a complete criminal she left and I was allowed to join the area that held the other detainees. My bags where wheeled into the guard area and I went for a smoke. We were not allowed to carry our lighters; apparently they are afraid we will set light to ourselves, someone else or the building. The guard came in, lit my smoke for me and chatted to me for a bit, the two of them were nice guys. After several phone calls and the whole 15 minutes it took me to go through all the various emotions (guilt, denial, anger, and depression) I got over it. I decided my fellow detainees looked very unhappy and that it was entirely up to me to cheer them up. By this stage I had been informed that they would not be letting me into the country and I would be shipped back to South Africa at 6pm that evening. It was only about noon. So I gathered all the others, 5 females, two from South Africa, one from Germany, one from Hong Kong and one from Sidney, Australia, and started asking the questions… “So… what are you in for?” hehehe, I felt like it was right out of a prison movie. Within an hour we were all bonding nicely, the guards were joining us frequently for smokes and telling us about people who have tried to beat them up, kill themselves etc. All of us were female and we were plotting our escape, I told the pretty girl from Germany that she had to flash the guards – and the rest of us would make a run for the emergency exit! We al had a good laugh at that, when the boredom set in, we tried to convince the guards that they needed to go buy us a board game, hell we even offered to play strip poker if they went and got us a pack of cards, while sorely tempted they had to say no. regulations and all that you know! I entertained the troops, being flip and telling stories and asking questions, I was very cheerful and hell… why not? I was going back home, my friends, family and lots of steak was there in easy reach… why be miserable? We consoled the sad, go them chatting, almost had a sing-along and the time to departure was almost up. I was first out to go board a plane. The guards gave me a hug goodbye and wished me well, and my fellow detainees all chorused “byeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee” at the top of their lungs.

I was escorted through the airport, jumped queues, and walked onto the plane first. I was not to be given back my passport until I had landed on South African soil. The seat next to me was open, which was great, I popped my sleeping pill (never fly long distance without one!) ate my yucky airline dinner and went to sleep. 10.5 hours later I was home. Escorted through the airport again, the poor guy escorting me only had to take me to the baggage section, but I informed him that he would be walking me through duty free as there was NO WAY I was going to claim the 400 cigarettes I had on me.  He took me through and I as I walked out of the doors, my good friend Sherwyn was waiting for me with a cup of coffee and a hug. I was home.

So that’s how it went. I guess it could have been a lot worse, but everything happens for a reason, and I am slowly learning what that reason is. I have been working on getting a work permit to go back, but I am stumbling into a few problems. I will reveal all at a later stage. Can’t talk about it just yet!

I hope you are all well, having a great long weekend and looking after yourselves.

Will write again soon.
Loves and Hugs

Julz

Things have gone from a frantic “OH MY GOD, SO LITTLE TIME SO MUCH TO DO… THE SKYYYYY IS FAAAAAALLING” * rocks back and forth while curled into the fetal position* - to a moderately less freakish pace. So now I can finally regale you with tales of my trip, the whole being deported thing and life up to now.

I’m sure if I put it all into one post though, you would get so bored after a while that you would consider finding a very, VERY tall building and hurling yourself off it… so I might have to do it in steps and then send out a complete long one to people who I don’t like. Hehehe – I think I’m onto something here~ (anyone want a copy to send out to their less liked acquaintances?)

So… on the 1^st of March I packed my bags – only taking a few items of clothes, cos really… 2 weeks does not require a large bag!! In fact the largest item was without a doubt would have to be my cattle prod which assisted me in getting there in record time. Happy days I was heading home to SA on holiday and nothing could have been better, hell… even the airline food tasted good. The flight was fantastic, what can I say; I love sleeping pills… like I wanted to watch “The Queen” anyway!

So I get into JHB, my mate Sherwyn picked me up from the airport (my mom wanted me to take a bus… A BUS I ASK YOU???  I want people I know to be there dammit!) We went to the folks’ place, and then the running started.

The day I landed I had my hair done (first time in like a year,  I think the hairdresser was horrified at the state of my multi-toned split ended hair “style”), she did a great job though, there are now only two tones of colour, and it has a shape! From there I had to run to and from to get keys for my old place in JHB, visit one or two people, have dinner with the parents (mmmm… ribs!) and head out to catch the mates!

 That was just the start of two weeks of non stop partying. I went out every night for the week before I left London, and every night I was in SA. That’s the way life should be.

I managed to get to the Jolly Roger, Paddy’s, O’ Hagens, Tanza Nite, Mama something (I don’t know the name), Sun City, Cresta, News Café, friends houses, shopping malls, peoples offices, I sorted out my car, my credit card, during the weeks I lived in coffee shops by day and pubs with pool tables by night. Saw so many people my head was almost left spinning, made new friends and firmed up old friendships. No where will ever hold for me what I have in SA just on the people who I know and love. * this is me stopping the soppy bit before it begins… STOP *

Nikki and I spent a ton of time together, and I truly believe that her and I are really the same person in 2 different bodies. (BO HA HA… man the crap we got up too…) The one Wednesday we met up at Cresta shopping Mall, put two brick on a skateboard, attached a leash, and walked our “dogs” through the centre. Hehehe we even managed to get one of the waiters to bring us a bowl of water for our beloved poodles. What can I say, I have always wanted to do that and no one would ever join me… until now! Our friends were somewhat mortified, especially when we would push the skateboard out into the walkway between our coffee shop and the Italian restaurant – and when people walked past I would call the “dogs”, and she would reel them in with the leash! Hehe – fun and games I tell ya!

I went to Sun City – spent the day on the artificial beach with my sister and Geee, we were so lazy that we didn’t even manage to go on the rides, we just lay there on our fake beach, reading our books, having a few drinks (Damn tourist prices!) and only once did Gee and I go for a swim! That day I officially went from transparent to white! I was so happy with my “tan”, after Sun City my sister and I hit a club that night called Tanza Nite, joined by a few of my mates – what a pretentious sh*t hole. Needless to say I wasn’t there for too long. Besides I was exhausted… all day in the sun with a few drinks, a few hours driving (which Gee did) and call me finished!

That Sunday I had an acoustic mini-gig with my ex-band member Sherwyn. We did acoustic covers of a few of our old songs from the band, and we also did one or two covers, one from Skunk Anansie, he did a Bruce Springsteen and one Pearl Jam. It was fantastic to be back on stage and made me realize how much I missed it and how much I really need to get back into it. The crowd was tiny, it was a Sunday afternoon and basically a handful of our friends, while we both were rusty and it was not the greatest gig ever, it was still awesome to be back on stage and singing. Damn that’s something I miss, in a huge way.

 During the stay I was up by 9am every morning, which just by the way, was not by choice. There is this bloody school right next door to my flat and the alarm bell is not an old fashioned and unobtrusive brrriing… noooooo, not this bastard, this school has one of those HIGH PITCHED SCARE ALL THE DOGS, KILL OFF THE AGED EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE NOISES. I’m a light sleeper. Yay me. So sleep – didn’t happen too much, but hell I was having the time of my life exhausting myself.

So on the 18^th of March, I packed my bag, saw a few friends, went to my parents’ house and was on my way back to London. Not happy about it either! The time felt like it had flown, I had not managed to see everyone, and I was a tad bit on the down side leaving everyone and everything behind. I told my folks that I didn’t want to go back – I wasn’t ready to yet. I think I tempted fate. Some little fairy or something heard me and decided that I was right, I shouldn’t be back in London just quite yet, and the immigration officials in Heathrow airport would be sure to deny me access to London for that reason.

Me thinks that’s one for next time though.

Love to you all

me